Dear Savvy Senior, What steps need to be taken after a loved one dies? My 71-year-old uncle, who’s divorced with no children, has terminal cancer. He’s asked me to take care of his affairs so I would like to find out what I need to do after he passes away.
Unsure Nephew
Dear Unsure, I’m very sorry to hear about your uncle. The death of a loved of can bring about a host of different tasks and responsibilities. Here’s a list of some things you can do now, and after his death, that can help keep a sad event from becoming even more difficult.
Before Death Occurs
There are several tasks you can do now while your uncle is still living that will make things easier for you after he dies.
For starters, find out where he keeps all his important papers like his trust and/or will (also make sure it’s updated), birth certificate, Social Security information, life-insurance policies, military discharge papers, financial documents, key or combination to a safe deposit box or a home safe.
Also make a list of his digital assets (including usernames and passwords) like his email account, online banking accounts, social media accounts, etc.
If your uncle doesn’t have an advanced directive, help him make one (see CaringInfo.org for free state-specific forms and instructions). An advanced directive includes a living will that specifies his endof- life medical treatments and appoints a health-care proxy to make medical decisions if he becomes incapacitated. In addition, you should also make a donot- resuscitate (DNR) order. Your uncle’s doctor can help you with this. You should also pre-arrange his funeral, memorial service, and burial or cremation.
Immediately After Death
Once your uncle dies, you’ll need to get a legal pronouncement of death. If no doctor is present, you’ll need to contact someone to do this.
If he dies at home under hospice care, call the hospice nurse, who can declare his death and help facilitate the transport of the body.
If he dies at home without hospice care, call your uncle’s doctor. You’ll then need to call the funeral home, mortuary or crematorium to pick up the body. If your uncle is an organ or tissue donor, contact the funeral home or the county coroner immediately.
Within a Few Days
If funeral plans were not pre-arranged, you’ll need to make arrangements and prepare an obituary. If your uncle was in the military or belonged to a fraternal or religious group, you should contact those organizations too, because they may have burial benefits or conduct funeral services.
You should also notify family members, close friends and his employer if he was still working, and make sure his home is secured.
Up to 10 Days After Death
To wind down your uncle’s financial affairs, you’ll need to get multiple copies of his death certificate, which are typically ordered by the funeral home.
If you’re the executor of your uncle’s estate, take his will to the appropriate county or city office to have it accepted for probate. And open a bank account for your uncle’s estate to pay bills, including taxes, funeral costs, etc.
You also need to contact your uncle’s estate attorney if he has one; tax preparer to see if estate or final income taxes should be filed; financial advisor for information on financial holdings; life insurance agent to get claim forms; his bank to locate and close accounts; and Social Security, the VA (if he’s a veteran) and other agencies that provided benefits in order to stop payments.
You should also cancel his credit cards, delete or memorialize his social media accounts and, if relevant, stop household services like utilities, mail, etc.
His home and personal belonging will also need to be dealt with in the coming weeks.
Dear Shawna, I recently found out that my fiancé, Mike and I are expecting our first baby. While this is my first child this will be Mike’s second. His ex-fling has mentioned how she can’t wait to attend showers, and shopping trips, and even looks forward to holding our baby. How do I keep his baby’s momma from thinking she will play a vital role in OUR baby’s life?!?
Oh, how fun!!! A new addition to your family. Pregnancy hormones! A reason you get an all-access pass is to let your crazy show. Use it! Use this time to come out guns blazing. What she and Mike shared that led to the birth of their son has nothing to do with you! That was before you. Before he was wise enough to know he deserved better or needed more than he was receiving with Brenda the Bar bimbo.
Holding your baby!!!! Bahaha! Girl please this is flu season, then it’s spring which means allergy season. I think. Shoot who am I kidding she doesn’t need to hold your kid anytime, this has nothing to do with being a caddy. But everything has to do with respect for you and Mike. If you need a break or someone to cuddle a new baby tell me. I love a good baby cuddle session. I can guarantee I don’t have any feelings for Mike!
I would have a conversation with Mike and let him know that while she is supportive and excited about the new sibling their child will have. That will have nothing to do with her. She will not gain a Neice or nephew. She will not be invited on shopping trips to pick out the latest and greatest baby items. She will not be given a seat in this kid’s life.
Boundaries should be established and in practice well before the stress of having a newborn comes into play. My Boundaries would include her not being invited to attend any showers or celebrations where you and Mike will be celebrated. While The presence of Kid A wanted to share all these moments with she will not be invited. Her only role is to make sure their child is taken care of. Nothing less, nothing more. She is not needed to help raise the baby. She is only the mother of his first kid.
Y’all didn’t join a sisterhood of baby mommas! She needs to understand while you aren’t threatened by their past together (he loves you enough to marry you and start a family) There is no need to have or start a friendship because a new baby is coming.
I know plenty of baby mommas who will get in their heads about an ex-lover and make a problem where there is no problem. Who needs that added stress? Who has the time and energy? Not me and not you while pregnant.
In most co-parenting situations the noncustodial parents get the kid 2-3 weekends a month. This is plenty of time for Kid A, his dad, and you to teach him about the newest kid coming. Most kids will not be affected by this addition negatively. He will be overjoyed at the fact he will now be the “boss” to a younger sibling. If he is upset or showing signs of concern take time away from Celebrating the new baby and spend one on one time with him.
I encourage you to make sure kid A knows this new baby is not replacing him but giving him a lifelong friend. Someone he can play with. A bond between siblings is amazing. As kids, they will fight, and say mean hurtful things. Maybe even rip an earring out of their sibling’s ear ( Sorry about your wonky earlobe Vern but those were my favorite earrings) but their relationship as an adult is second to none.
If you or someone you know is needing advice or wants to vent about how 2023 is going so far. Have them email Shawnasaveme@gmail. com I rarely sleep so I have all the time in the world to fix it one problem at a time!!!