Very Sassy
Mildly Classy
How do I know if my Monster in Law is ignorant, or just a miserable bitty? Over the weekend, I spent less than 24 hours with her and I couldn't help but notice her snarky way of speaking to everyone. It's a well-known fact in the family that I'm the last person she would save in a house fire. That is, if she didn't stop to smoke a cigarette before thinking about saving me. I always do the most work on our visits and it's never appreciated or acknowledged. Example: while driving 8 hours to her house, I placed a curbside pick-up order to be picked up on the way to her house so we could make her a fabulous 5-star dinner. All she said was, “I ate what wasn't burnt”. I'm ready to never visit again. Help.
It sounds like your Monster in law is downright miserable. She’s the kind of lady who has lived her life making sure others aren’t ever happy around her.
I would most definitely have a serious talk with your husband and let him know you can’t keep going to “Satan's lair” and continue being treated like garbage.
Here’s where I’m going to piss some people off… Next time she opens her smart mouth, match her energy. She wants to speak without thinking, you do the same. She says something horrible and offensive, you match her energy. Eventually, she will get the point, maybe.
Unless she is to leave a huge fat stack of cash when she crosses through the pearly gates, I wouldn’t keep allowing myself to be put in situations where I’m not accepted or respected. I lied, there is no amount of money I would accept in exchange for being treated like dog doo.
More than likely this is how she was treated by her mother. She has no clue what it takes to break the cycle of narcissistic abuse. Let me remind you I’m not a licensed psychologist, but I can however point out a miserable heifer when I see one. Girlfriend, it sounds like you have the biggest one on the farm!
When you are around her, pay attention to your body. If your body is sending stress signals that you can’t deny, it is time to get out of there. I come from a place where if it’s not bringing you happiness, I’m not sticking around. It sounds like you have tried your very best and gotten along with her and she’s not having it.
Now you flip the switch. You become her, but better. Be soo caddy she thinks you're innocent but in reality, she’s too ignorant to know you just cut her down 3 feet. If you must be around, I would push for one 24 hr visit a year. Do it at your convenience. Make sure you are always in control of any situation. If you know she is going to hate the fancy dinner you make; might as well prepare her most hated meal.
If she mentions she hates the way your hair is colored, remind her she is going bald so unlike her you still have options on how you wish to express yourself through your hair.
If she mentions how your husband could stand to lose some weight, remind her that while he is out there working his fingers to the bone to send her money, she is out there blowing it at the casino. It's not always smart to bite the hand that’s feeding her gambling habit that she can’t afford.
If you are worried this will destroy the bond y’all have, don't. If this has happened anytime in the past, it’s time for her to realize there is a new Queen in town and her reign is over. Kick it up a notch! Just when you think it’s too much, add a little more heat. If all else fails be ready to swing on an old lady. While this isn’t always the first option I would try, it would send the message you aren’t playing those passive aggressive games.
So in conclusion, if you find yourself in Hillbilly Hell fighting a 70-year-old lady in the front yard of the trailer park in a wife beater, and no pants with a huge BBQ stain on the front of your wife beater remind yourself, “ You are not sugar and spice and everything nice, you are sage and HOOD and Wish a MOTHER Would!” ~ Shawna