Mildly Classy
Dear Shawna, My friend is a newlywed. She just got married in May of last year. She told us at girl’s night she was feeling unfulfilled in one area of her marriage, the bedroom. I am almost certain she is having an affair but can’t prove it. When confronted or questioned about it, she says her friendships with other men is just her way of making herself happy in her marriage. This screams Affair to me! How do I stay friends with her and not judge her?
PS Her husband and my husband are extremely close. My loyalty is to her, but I know it’s not right.
Oh no! Honey, this is as tacky as that gorilla glue that lady used as gel! What a horrible and selfish person she is. Let me tell you this, marriage is by no means easy, but when done correctly and with the right person, it’s always rewarding and worth every tear, challenge and victory!
If I were you, there would be no way I could stay her friend! I have always said, if you can’t trust her to be a friend when no one is watching,then she was never a true friend at all. Now she is doing a terrible thing in her marriage and to her husband.
If she is openly doing this to her husband, I can only imagine what she is willing to do to you as a friend. In friendship there is no rule book. No one took an oath, no death til you part promise. It’s a relationship built on trust, and honey you can’t trust her at ALL!!!
I like to keep my circle small, like really small. Too many cooks in the kitchen will cause a fire. I don’t have the spare time or the energy to go around town putting fires out. I’m also not huge on second choices in friendship. You get one shot. Once you burn me, baby never reach out again. You look like the fool, not me.
I would let her know you know of the extracurricular activities she is doing and you do not approve. Tell her it’s simple, you can’t be friends with someone who thinks infidelity is OK. The friends you have are a reflection of you, and this isn’t the reflection of self I would want. Remind her you are trying to have a successful marriage, and cannot let her shameful behavior distract you from the marriage you are in.
Tell her she either comes clean about it all to her husband or you will. This might seem a little harsh but if my husband was having an affair, I would want to know. I don’t care who told me as long as I knew the truth.
You lost the need for loyalty when she stepped out of what is morally right. You don’t owe her any loyalty. Shoot, she’s not even loyal to herself. How in the world is she falling asleep at night knowing she is doing this? It would eat me up! I don’t sleep well when I know I have let my crazy shine that day. I can’t imagine having to sleep in a bed with a man I’m cheating on! There is a special place for people like her, and it dang sure isn’t seated at the same table as you!!! Find a new friend to be loyal to. Don’t waste time And energy on these types of friends.
Give it to her straight and follow through with ending the relationship and letting her husband know!!!
~ Shawna